8 Reasons Why You Should Never Move To Owensboro, KY
Owensboro, Kentucky, doesn't seem to even be on most people's radar when thinking about moving to the Kentucky/Indiana area. Heck, it wasn't on my list of cities to live until my husband got a job there. We desperately didn't want to leave Evansville, because what did this little Owensboro town have to offer us, anyway? I'd lived in small towns before and my thought was, "No thanks!"
An hour commute, it turns out, will sometimes change a person's mind and before I knew it, I ended up smack dab in the middle of Owensboro, Kentucky, trading my Hoosier heritage for...this:
8) Super. Long. Drives.
Uhg, it sucks so bad to be 43 minutes from Holiday World, an hour from Bowling Green, KY, and two hours from Nashville, Tennessee. Two hours to get my honky tonk on is two hours too long. When will we have teleportation?
7) There's barbeque everywhere!
There's so much barbeque that it makes me want to wretch. There are 5+ places to eat barbeque in town, and they have way too many options. It's so overwhelming. Super annoying too that one of them is recognized not only statewide but nationwide as one of the best barbeque restaurants in the United States. Ego, much?
6) 10 minute commute times...
I mean, come ON! I have to drive continuously without many stops all across town within ten minutes. That's insane. Ten minutes to Target, Walmart, the mall, a variety of food, Starbucks, downtown, work... It doesn't even give me enough time to finish my Starbucks latte in the car on the way to Walmart in the morning.
5) You'll go broke living there.
Oh man. Everything is so cheap that I can afford almost everything so I've just gone nuts. Now I have too many nice things! How is a person supposed to survive with all of these nice things I have and great food I've been able to afford? It's too much.
4) The parks are too big.
The parks in Owensboro are absurd and take up way too much space. For example, one of them has a splash pad and a zip-line, while another has a splash-pad and tons of play equipment on the riverfront. One park even has hiking trails and enough ground to host the annual ROMP Fest music festival. Did I mention that all of this stuff is free (except RompFest)? What's the deal with these super nice free parks? Hippies are ruining the world I tell you with all these free-loading kids playing at nice, expensive parks! Whatever happened to throwing rocks for fun?
3) Friday After 5
Free concerts all summer on the downtown riverfront with ample opportunity to get fat via food vendors and listen to bangin' noises all night? Honestly, where did the appreciation for silence and nature go? Millenials are killing everything.
2) The people are so nice that it's freaky.
Everyone asks, "Hello, how are you today?" It's bothersome that people actually care how someone's day is going. Are you going to start stalking people next with your "Good to see you again"s and your "Have a wonderful day"s? My skin crawls when I mumble, "Thank you," out of obligatory politeness and you gleefully reply, "You're welcome." It makes me sick.
1) It's too posh.
AKA it's too chic/ritzy. How annoying is it that people are opening businesses that offer luxurious activities at affordable prices? I mean, why even have places like SIP Owensboro wine bar, The Yoga Loft, or The Sturdy Hinge plus size and maternity store? I'm not trying to become a pampered snob who wears nice clothing, stays fit, and enjoys exquisite wine! Outrageous!
So, okay, maybe Owensboro isn't so bad. Heck, Owensboro is actually great, offering amazing schools, outstanding citizens, fun shops, good eateries, and more! I still intend to stand by my statement that millennials are ruining everything, though.