October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  This time of year is often bittersweet for our family.

Kathern Elizabeth Freels was born on Wednesday, May 12, 2004.  I still remember the day like it was yesterday.  I was sitting in a staff meeting at the Parks Department and couldn't stop wiggling around.  After the meeting I walked up to former Parks Director, Cyndi Sturgeon, and said "I think I need to go see my doctor."  Thirty Minutes later I was told to drive straight to the hospital because our little girl was on her way!  A few more hours past and my beautiful, blue eyed, tan skinned, dark brown curly-headed precious baby was born.

She was a momma's girl literally!  No one else could hold her if I was in the room and she loved to cuddle up in my lap and listen to me sing her silly songs.  She hated bath time but loved getting her baby magic lotion massaged all over her tiny little body.

As a parent you never imagine having to bury your child before yourself.  It's something no one should ever have to do.  The day still burns in my memory like it was yesterday.  Wednesday, July 7, 2004, Kathern got up early to eat and I put her in bed with me to snuggle for a little while longer.  Next it was off to the sitter and work.  I dropped her and Parker off, kissed her little face, she smiled and cooed (she was just starting to smile) and I looked at her in her butterfly onesie as I shut the door.

Seven hours later a policeman showed up my office door to tell me my little girl had been laid down for a nap at the sitter and did not wake back up.  My entire world stopped.  This couldn't be real.  As they confirmed my worst nightmare, I heard myself ask to see my little girl.  Yes I held her.  Yes I kissed her cheeks and ran my fingers over her fuzzy hair, as tears streamed from my face, realizing that up until that point in her life I had protected, and taken care of her and now I could do nothing.

It has been 12 long years since we lost Kathern.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her a million times, wonder what she would look like, how her voice would sound when she said "I love you momma", think about how we would argue over clothes, talk about boys, and be the best of friends.  Those things were not a part of God's plan but I am thankful he chose me to be her mommy and gave me two months of memories, pictures, and love.  So many do not even get that.

To all the families who grieve you are not alone.  I long to hold my little girl, hug her neck, and see her face.  One day we will all have our babies in our arms again...until then my prayers and thoughts go out to each of you.

Blessed are those who mourn; for they will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)

Momma loves you Kathern Elizabeth~