Ten Whole Years since my momma left this earth!  It almost seems unreal.  I feel like just yesterday I was giving her a hug and a kiss through her car window and watching her drive away.

Angel Welsh

July is definitely not my favorite of all the months.  You see a lot of people don't know that five days before we lost my momma we lost my niece Stefanie to suicide.  And four years prior to their deaths my daughter Kathern was called to heaven.  I struggle dealing with July every single year.

This year has been different.  I have hurt more.  I have cried more.  I have been angry and lost sleep thinking about all my momma has missed out on.  Joe and I were out on a date Saturday night and Scotty McCreary's song Five More Minutes came on and I said to Joe " I wish I had just five more minutes with momma so you could meet her, I know you would love her."

She never got to meet Tucker or Charlotte.  They would have been her absolute joy.  My mom's best friend Debbie Caldwell says Charlotte is me made over (Lord help her!).

Sometimes I sit back and watch my kids interact and I see her.  I see her humor, I hear her laughter, see her kindness, her love for others.  It blesses me to know they carry a part of her with them.

I wanted to share the very last moments I spent with my momma with you all.  She came home to my house for the weekend after my niece's funeral because she didn't want to be all alone.  We stayed up late and shared stories like always.  The next day we went to church and I will never forget, the pastor gave an alter call and asked if anyone wanted to rededicate their life to the Lord.  My momma squeezed my hand as we bowed our heads and as I glanced over I heard her quietly praying and asking Jesus into her heart with tears streaming down her face.  Momma was a Christian but maybe she just felt like she had some soul cleansing to do.  When we left church and I walked her to her car and asked her if she needed anything.  She said she was running low on money but was fine.  Momma was on a fixed income.   I told her to follow me to the bank.  I got her some money and told her it was my turn to take care of her.  She smiled, held my hand, and told me how very proud she was at the person I had grown up to be and how very much she loved me.  That was the last time I saw my momma.  I cling to this memory.  I close my eyes and remember her smile because it was beautiful.  I sit in silence trying to remember her voice.  I miss her terribly.  More this year than all the others.  Not sure why it is different.

On a positive note:  Daily I see my mother in all the things I do.  The way I handle others, how I raise my children, my drive and determination.  She instilled in me confidence.  She always told me I could do anything.  She made me work hard and she expected a lot out of me.  There were days as a kid I thought she was unfair and mean but now I look back and understand the purpose for what she did.

As I sat on my bed last night talking to my son Parker about life and how strict he thinks I am I heard my mother's voice come out of my mouth.  I said and I quote "I wasn't put her to be your best friend or for you to even like me, but I love you more than anyone on this earth ever will and right now it's okay if we don't get along, one day you will understand!"

She always told me one day I would understand her sacrifice, her tears, her rules, her love.  I ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND MOMMA I FINALLY DO!

I am sure missing my best friend today~

As always thank you for letting me share my family with you.

Angel's Mom