Typically, I write about the plight of women, relationships, and parenting. Today, I'm sort of writing about parenting, but more about being a parent. Today, I'm letting you in on a little secret: I have weird kids.

Why, you ask, are my kids weird? Obviously because of the strange things they say and do.

For instance, my five year old saw a baby at the store the other day. His two-year-old brother kept saying, “baby” and wanting to go over to the baby. This behavior is fairly normal. Right? Sure. Let's move forward.

Then my five-year-old whispers to himself, “This'll never work.” Out of curiosity, his dad asks, “What will never work?” At this point, my five-year-old says very methodically, “They're guarding her too closely. We are never going to be able to take that baby and bring it home.”Luckily he's five and has a sweetheart and probably just wanted the baby to come to our house to make his brother happy, but the way in which he described his plans for obtaining the baby and essentially kidnapping her is nothing short of unsettling.

My two year old is weird in completely different ways. He has no concept of personal space. He frequently pets his older brother's head, or pats his head like a dog's. He also thinks it's totally appropriate to bust into the bathroom and try to sit on your lap while you're pooping. Weird.

The five-year-old has surpassed the two-year-old on the weird scale for now, though. One day my husband and our five-year-old was talking to his dad about grandparents. The five-year-old turns to his dad and says, “Dad, where are your grandparents?” Without thinking, my husband just answers with, “Well buddy, they're dead.” At this point, the five year old looks at his father in a perplexed and shocked manner. In complete seriousness he asks, “You killed them?” My husband laughed and asked in response, “What?” The five-year-old just giggled and then walked away.

Weird, weird, weird.

For more proof that my kids are strange, they have also, between them:

  • Eaten food they found off of the floor
  • Puked because they didn't like the smell of something
  • Fallen and blamed me
  • Tried to go home with strangers
  • Play in dog poop
  • Go outside naked

And the list goes on and on and on. My kids are weird! So weird. Honestly, I hope yours are too. Mainly because I don't want to have the only weirdo children on earth, but also because weirdo kids are kind of the best types of kids. They're entertaining, smart, and just plain weird. I adore and embrace their uniqueness, and yours. Even if the behavior is a tad unconventional. In conclusion, keep it weird everybody!

If you have weird kids, or kids that just sometimes do weird things, tweet me or comment below!