Hi I’m Brett Wharff, and I’m Not a Cosmetologist

Being new to the area there are tons of opportunities that are presented.  Radio, Food Industry ETC.  Cosmetology wasn't on the list and there is good reason for that.

Most women take forever to get ready in the morning which is good and bad. Good because they look nice and bad because I sit in the living room waiting.  I figured I would give Margaret a hand and speed up the process unknowing that i took up much more time.

Picture the following- Brett grabs make-up bag, dumps make-bag out, sits Margaret down.  Then the fun starts.  I'm not sure how women do this but I do understand why it takes so long.  I get the "cheek stuff".... not blush, it was something else. Anyway, I get that little fluffy paint brush looking thing and put WAY too much of this stuff on her face, its the stuff that blends with your skin (when I hear the word foundation I think of the thing that holds my house up off the ground). Half of her face looks like a mime and the other half looks like a tired relatively frustrated woman.

The next disaster was lipstick and eyeliner.  I said "Pucker Up" and even after she did that I still managed to get more red lipstick on her teeth than her lips. Eyeliner was probably the easiest, it takes a lot of concentration and precision to do this type of foolishness.

So while I was ahead I quit and of course said (sarcastically), "My, oh my, don't you just look beauuutiful."   She went to the bathroom to check herself out and see how amazing I did.  It was like the scene of a movie where the guy messes up and waits in another room for the reaction.  So, I sit with a half smirk on my face and hear from down the hall "OH MY GOSH BRETT."  Hey, she let me do it.