Ugh!  It keeps happening.  I have shared this with you all before, but it keeps happening to me and it's so freaking WEIRD!  Apparently I have inherited some weird and random syndrome from my grandmother.  One of my ears randomly turns bright, burning red and it feels like someone doused it with Miranda Lambert's kerosene and set it on fire.  And when I say it turns "red", I mean it turns baboon-butt red.  So, what is this bizarre affliction?  How is it that my right ear can suddenly look and feel like a solar flare and my left ear looks perfectly normal?  I did a little research into Red Ear Syndrome.  And, yes!  It's real.

Here.  Let's first start this medical discussion with visual aids.  I took Exhibit A and Exhibit B during a recent episode, my most recent violent attack of Red Ear Syndrome.  Here's my left ear . . . looking as it should.  Normal.  Like an ear.

Selfie/Left Ear/#thenormalone

Now.  Here's the jacked up ear.  Abnormal.  As red as a Republican state!

Selfie/Right Ear/#stopdropandroll

Is that not just absolutely absurd?  No other part of my head or body is red at the time this phenomenon occurs.  Just my right ear!   Like someone dipped it in Frank's Red Hot Sauce.  And it burns.  There is so much heat emanating from my right lobe, OMU could hook me up to a substation and power up half a block.  And, last week, it happened again!

A while back, I sat down to research Red Ear Syndrome and this is what I discovered from a variety of online medical advice sites.  Here's what Wise Geek claims about the disorder-

"Red ear syndrome is a condition in which one or both ears become extremely red and hot to the touch, with the appearance of the redness occurring within seconds (check!). In some cases, pain accompanies the redness, with some sufferers reporting that the ears also become tender to the touch (check! Great.  I'm a freak). A number of triggers that lead to an outbreak of red ear syndrome have been identified. Unfortunately, there is not a solitary course of treatment that can correct the problem. (Oh great!  That figures.  No cure!).

Most of the triggers of red ear syndrome have to do with some sort of movement of the head. People have experienced outbreaks while chewing food (I'm doomed), drinking (Come on!  I sip girly drinks with fruit juice and umbrellas.  How dangerous they can those be?  I drink like a freshman college girl), coughing (I eat granola/bird seed for breakfast and routinely get choked), sneezing (I have allergies and can probably thank Granny for those too), or simply turning the neck rapidly in a single direction (I am rather dramatic and can pull off a double-take hilariously). There are cases in which sufferers would experience an outbreak of redness and discomfort after touching the earlobe (I don't normally walk around with my finger in my ear.  That would be odd).

Other physical conditions can sometimes trigger an episode of red ear syndrome. For example, migraine sufferers may find that the ears turn red and are somewhat tender to the touch during the course of the head pain. Various forms of joint dysfunction also seem to trigger the reaction in some people. There is even some evidence that prolonged periods of stress or anxiety can lead to the development of this health issue."

Ah hah!!  We may be onto something here.  Finally!  The one real medical issue I have inherited from my family is the lovely migraine.  In fact, just about every branch on my immediate family tree suffers terribly from them.  Is there a direct correlation between by big red right ear and my noggin'?  I suppose it's possible.  But until we find out for sure, I am just gonna have to walk around occasionally looking like a weirdo.

Just do me a favor, if you ever see my right ear glowing like the top of the WBKR broadcast tower, please don't make fun and call me "Rudolph."  And, whatever you do, do NOT touch it or pull it or flick it for fun!  I'd hate to pull a Drew Barrymore in Firestarter and unleash the fury and fire of my Red Ear Syndrome on you!