Hey, Y'all Angel here.  Is anyone else on the struggle bus?  Most days lately I have felt like I was driving it or at least had bought the yearly pass.  I am done beating myself up for being in the place I am and wanted to let you know it's okay to be right where you are if you're struggling too.  You are NOT alone.

While it is quite often joked I am a bit overdramatic about a lot, for the most part, I handle my day to day life crap pretty darn well.  Let's face it I have a gaggle of kids, a husband who runs a non-profit, a full-time job, part-time job, our booth, and our ministry (not to mention a billion other things we say "yes" to on a daily basis).

Normally, all these things would be pretty easy to combat but when you add in the stress of a pandemic, people living in fear, those who are only thinking of themselves, missing our loved ones, sickness, sleepless nights it would be hard for anyone to put on their Susie Sunshine face.

I haven't been myself.  There are days I wake up ready to conquer the world and other days I could cover my head with my comforter and cry all day long.  If you follow my social media pages somedays you might think 10 different people are posting (sometimes I feel like 10 people in a day)  I'm not crazy and if you have felt like this neither are you.  We are in the middle of chaos and none of us have been taught how to handle it.

First, I haven't been sleeping well.  I toss and turn. I walk up ten times a night and usually about 2:30 a.m. I wake with anxiety threw the roof about what I have to do the next day.  I'm not an anxious person but goodness it has arrived.  Do you know what no sleep will do to a person?  It has not been pretty.  Some days I have wanted to just sit and cry.

Next, I have snapped at my family way more than anyone should.  Isn't it crazy how the people you love the most you tend to be the ugliest too?  Thankfully, I have a patient husband and loving children who I have humbled myself to more than I care to share because Mommy has lost her crap a good two or three times a week lately.

The uncertainty is nerve-racking.  Now, here is where I will insert I don't worry about where I'm going after this life because I know, but my human nature and my personality like to be able to plan a little ahead.  Lord knows that isn't happening.  No fun vacations for our family, no time away while others have continued to go and do has really taken its a toll on us.  And knowing life is indefinitely going to be different makes me sad.

Seeing others hurt, scared, worried breaks my heart.  I am an empathic person so when someone is broken I break with them (possibly why I am not sleeping well).  I like to fix things.  If I could take this all away I would but that isn't happening.

I posted this on Facebook last week and you just never know how people will respond.  I have a tendency to be completely transparent in an effort to make others feel not so alone.

Many reached out to me personally and said they were struggling and appreciated knowing they weren't as crazy as they had felt.  Society tells us to keep quiet and be brave.  I say fall apart if you need to and get a good cry out.  Sometimes we need that.  No judgment here.

We must remember we are all on the same struggle bus right now we are just sitting in different seats as my friend, Tammy Howe White, put it.

It's the truth.  We all handle change and struggle differently but our hearts can love the same.  We can offer words of kindness and encouragement, pray for one another, smile at strangers, check on our neighbors, not be so quick to snap at someone, and just be understanding.

And when the day comes and you're the one driving the struggle bus just remember to bring snacks and put on your seat belt.  YOU ARE LOVED AND NOT ALONE!

The LORD is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. Though an army besieges me, my heart will not fear; though war breaks out against me, even then I will be confident.  Psalm 27: 1-3

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