Why I Am Going to Boycott National Eat Your Jell-O Day
It's National Eat Your Jell-O Day and guess what? I am going to boycott it. You know why? Because I think Jell-O is freaking nasty. Where did Jell-O even come from and who decided that it deserves its own national holiday? I mean, what in the fresh, fruit-flavored hell is this?
I remember eating Jell-O when I was a child. When I was in the 3rd grade, I had to have my tonsils taken out and spent a night in the hospital to recover. I remember learning, quickly, that Jell-O was one of the few things that I could eat that didn't feel like someone was ripping a razor blade across the back of my throat. It was the only time in my life that I found comfort in Jell-O.
Since it's National Eat Your Jell-O Day, I decided to do a little research about the product. Here's what I discovered.
Jell-O was trademarked way back in 1897 by Pearle Wait. I'm honestly not sure who Pearle is or what his problem was, but get a grip, Dude. But, according to NationalDayCalendar.com, Pearle eventually sold the trademark and recipe to Frank Woodward, who made it a household name.
Okay, let me just lay this out. I am not a fan of gelatin in general. I don't think foods should jiggle and I don't think the consistency of a food should be able to hold other foods in suspended animation.
Here's Exhibit A:
And, since we're on the subject of gelatin. Do you know what it is? Let's consult the handy Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Brace yourself and hold onto your cookies. You're gonna want to toss them.
Look, Jell-O used to be one of this country's most popular desserts. There are over 20 flavors of it. But, in recent years, sales of the product have plummeted. Business Insider put together this story- chronicling the Rise and Fall of Jell-O.
Now, as gnarly as I think Jell-O is, I will make one concession (er, maybe it's a confession). While I am never going to eat and enjoy Jell-O as a dessert, I probably won't say "No" to a Jell-O shot.
I've been to several parties where they were the star. I may not eat Jell-O on National Eat Your Jell-O Day, but I may drink a couple.