Parenting Is Hard, and Sometimes a Stranger's Kindness Changes Everything
Now that my daughter is a teenager, life is a lot easier than when she was little. She was a challenging child, and I'm not writing anything that she won't proudly tell you herself.
I remember several instances where she would unbuckle herself from her shopping cart seat, climb out, and head for the front door at warp speed. I can't tell you how many times I had to chase down a toddler and quickly realized I'm no athlete.
Then there were the fits.
I remember two particular grocery store meltdowns, and I vividly remember the reactions from the people who witnessed them. Once, she dramatically threw herself onto the floor at Walmart and had a full-blown tantrum in the middle of an aisle. I stayed nearby but continued shopping, doing my best to ignore the theatrics. As people walked by, I made sure they knew she wasn't abandoned or abused. She just had to get all the big feelings out!
One young woman and her mom stopped and offered exactly what I needed to hear.
"Don't worry, Mama. I was the SAME way, and I turned out GREAT!"
I wanted to cry, but she made me feel so much better.
A Christmas Meltdown I'll Never Forget
The biggest tantrum happened during an especially stressful Christmas season.
We were headed to my niece's Nutcracker performance and needed to pick up flowers on the way. We were both overstimulated, exhausted, and probably should have skipped the errand altogether.
Instead, we went in... HUGE MISTAKE!
Within minutes, she completely melted down. She was screaming, crying, kicking, and running for the door. That was my breaking point. I dropped the flowers we'd selected and headed straight for the parking lot, where I promptly called my husband in tears. A sweet family who had witnessed everything bought the flowers for us, brought them out to my car, and checked on me.
I later wrote about the experience and eventually tracked them down. Believe it or not, one of them is now my neighbor, and we still joke about how we unofficially met. Small world!
A Facebook Post That Hit Me Right in the Heart
Social media gets a bad rap, and sometimes for good reason. I often see videos that showcase a young person having a meltdown in a store, and it just bothers me so much. It's so judgmental and, quite honestly, creepy to film anyone without their consent. What would have happened if someone filmed her meltdown without any context?
But last week, I teared up a little when I saw it being used exactly the way it should be.
In the Newburgh, Indiana, Facebook group, Tina Raley Newman shared a message directed at a young mom she'd seen at Walmart:
"To the young lady who was at Walmart at around 1 p.m. today with one child screaming and kicking because they wanted candy and the other yelling they had to pee, kudos to you. You continued to check out and say no with a smile on your face while people stared at you. I know you had to be embarrassed, but you did fantastic at keeping your composure. And don't worry about everyone else because as mothers we've ALL been there. Hope your day got better."
It was such a simple act of kindness.
She could have gone home and forgotten about it. Instead, she took a few minutes to encourage a stranger who was clearly having a rough day. As someone who's been there, I know that kind of encouragement can mean everything. So I tracked down both women to learn more about what happened.
The Mom Behind the Viral Post
The mom Tina was talking about turned out to be Ivy Fouts.
Ivy told me that during the Walmart meltdown, she was simply focused on getting her kids home.
"At the time, I was really just trying to stay focused on getting back home as quickly as I could," she said. "I knew once we were home, they would be able to self-regulate and calm down, or I could give them what they needed a lot quicker."
Like many parents, she knew people were probably noticing the chaos but tried not to focus on it.
"I really try to stay in my own bubble," she explained. "Just keep my head down and focus on my littles."
Later that night, while scrolling Facebook, she came across Tina's post and realized it was about her.
"When I saw how nice and encouraging the post was, and all the comments, I started tearing up," she said. "It made me feel seen and understood as a parent."
Ivy admitted she used to worry a lot about being judged during public meltdowns. Grocery stores and busy public spaces can be overwhelming for kids, and sometimes that leads to emotional outbursts over seemingly small things.
"But a bad moment does not equal a bad kid or bad parenting," she said.
The overwhelming support she received helped change her perspective.
"It meant more than I can even put into words," she said. "I'm really just in complete awe of my community."
For parents currently navigating the toddler years, Ivy offers simple advice: take a breath.
"Regulate your own emotions first and give your kids a little extra love. They have big feelings, and sometimes those feelings come out in very big ways."
She hopes her story reminds parents that not everyone is judging them.
"Sometimes people are remembering their own kids at that age," she said. "And for anyone who has judged a mom in public before, I hope they can see things a little differently. We don't want our kids screaming any more than you do. We're doing our absolute best."
Ivy sent a family photo of her Walmart Wailers. Blair is the oldest. She escaped the madness that day. Aspen is the one who was screaming for candy, and Oaklyn is the youngest. I assume she was the one who loudly declared she needed to use the restroom for everyone in the store to hear. They are all super cute. How could you not love those faces?!
Why One Stranger Decided to Speak Up
Tina admits her first reaction wasn't exactly saintly.
She could hear the children crying from elsewhere in the store and initially thought what many shoppers probably think when they hear a public meltdown.
"Please do something about them screamin' kids!"
But by the time she reached the checkout line, her perspective had changed.
She noticed other shoppers laughing and staring at the overwhelmed mom while the children continued to struggle. What stood out to Tina wasn't the behavior of the kids. It was the composure of their mom. Despite the chaos around her, Ivy calmly continued checking out, setting boundaries, and refusing to give in.
"I was just so impressed with her," Tina told me. "She stuck to her guns but was still being a good mama."
Rather than approaching her in the store and potentially making the situation more uncomfortable, Tina decided to post her encouragement online, hoping the young mom might eventually see it. She never expected the response it would receive.
As the mother of a 23-year-old and someone who works at a grocery store, Tina says experiences like this make her think differently these days.
"I often think about how I would want someone to treat my child as an adult," she said. Here's a photo Tina sent me with her son Ricky and her husband Jason.
She also has seen all different parenting types in her career and tries not to judge.
"I try my best not to judge, not saying I don't sometimes. But life is hard."
Yes, Miss Tina. I agree. It's hard. Kids make it even harder. But it's so worth it!
More Folks Chimed In
And the encouragement didn't stop there. The post had 25 encouraging comments and 457 likes.
Rexanna Nuhring added, "Kindness makes the world better. Thank you for your uplifting post to that Momma and ALL Mommas out there." Tricia McCormick pointed out that, "Sometimes kids have a bad day too. I hope we could all BE KIND. Not too quick to judge."
We Never Know What Someone Else Is Carrying
Parenting is hard. Sometimes it's exhausting. Sometimes it's embarrassing. Sometimes it feels like everyone is watching. But stories like this are a reminder that not everyone is judging. Some people are cheering you on.
And sometimes a few encouraging words from a complete stranger can be exactly what a parent needs to make it through the day.
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Gallery Credit: Ashley Sollars