A Parents Job Isn’t Done Once Their Child Becomes An Adult: One Mother’s Opinion
If you're a parent you've probably heard it said or maybe you've even said it "Once these kids are out of the house we can finally rest". I'm not sure that statement could be any further from the truth.
THEY'LL ALWAYS BE YOUR BABY
Angel here and I remember growing up and my momma would always say "No matter how old you get you'll always be my baby." It used to make me so mad because I wasn't a baby anymore. I was a teenager It wasn't until I was a mother myself did I truly understand what she meant. Your children are always your children. You don't reach a certain age and suddenly get a checkmark by your name as if the job has been completed.
A PARENT'S JOB IS NEVER DONE
I remember thinking when I turned 18 my momma would worry less. I think she actually worried more because I was an adult and the things she taught me in life were now set into motion and it was up to me to make the right choices. I made some good choices and some super stupid ones. My mom never bailed me out of any of my bad decisions but she helped me understand what I could have done better. We talked out many of the situations I got myself into. She used teachable moments a lot throughout my life.
IT'S A LIFE BLESSING NOT A SENTENCE
Even though life may get chaotic our children are truly a blessing. Having the mindset that you aren't raising them to get to a point to shove them off and move on makes a huge difference. My oldest son came to my husband, Joe, and me right before the holidays to ask if we could help his friend. He was struggling to make ends meet and needed some help. Of course, we said yes but I couldn't help but ask why he couldn't ask his own parents. Unfortunately, this kid (who is fantastic by the way), has a mother who told him when he turned 18 he was no longer her problem. When I heard this I just couldn't fathom telling my kids sorry you're too old I can't help you anymore. That's not how life works. When you become a parent it's for life. Yes, there are expectations we have for our kids but writing them off isn't one of them.
TO EACH THEIR OWN
I say all this also to say every family is different. Some kids are super independent. My son, Parker, never asks for anything. He works hard and takes care of himself. However, I still love giving him money and taking him to lunch when I can. I'll slip him some cash through Venmo just because. And when he had a motorcycle accident over Thanksgiving break you better believe I rushed to be by his side at the hospital and stayed with him. The fact of the matter is 18 is a number. Yes, he is an adult by law but he is and always will be my baby and for us, that means I am happy to be there for him when he needs me. It may look totally different for someone else. What I will say is your child is ALWAYS your child, whether they are grown or not. I am grateful my kids know no matter their age they can always come to momma for anything.
One of the very last conversations I had with my momma was when I was 28 and I was going through a really hard time in my first marriage. I remember her patting her lap and me curling up into a ball and laying on her like a child. I was 28! I carry that moment with me still 14 long years later.