Tuesday afternoon, I sent Angel, my morning show cohost a text message.  I had some scoop/juicy gossip for her and knew she'd want to hear it, so I sent her a message that said, "Call me." Usually, Angel is horrendously bad about calling back people within a reasonable time frame.  You could actually lose family members to natural selection waiting for her to return a simple freaking phone call.  So, I was convinced I had plenty of time to take that leak that had been percolating since I downed a Yeti tumbler full of water about twenty minutes earlier.

I'm going to sound like Sophia from The Golden Girls for a second, but picture it!  Well, don't picture ALL of it.  This isn't an Only Fans page. Just picture the basics.  My cellphone is sitting on the counter of the bathroom sink. You see it?  Now visualize this. I am hovering over the toilet and am fully midstream when my phone starts to ring. I look to my left, being extra careful not to misfire, to see who's ringing a ding ding. Wouldn't you know?  It's Angel.

Well, here's the thing you need to know if you're friends (or coworkers) with this woman.  If she manages to get around to calling you back, you better do everything in your power to take that call.  She has ZERO attention span. If you don't take her call, it may a couple of months before you get another one. It's less frustrating and painful waiting on a kidney stone to pass.

If that phone's ringing because Angel Welsh dialed your number you better quickly grab that phone and hit "answer".

Samuel Regan Asanta
Samuel Regan Asanta
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If your phone's not next to you, dive roll across the room and get it.  Or, if you're in the middle of a refreshing pee break, just pick up your phone midstream anyway.  That's exactly what I did Tuesday.

I knew she would be able to hear what was going on so I just owned up to it immediately.  My bathroom has terrific acoustics.  A simple fart can sound like a drumline. There's no denying the acoustics and there was no way to hide that I was unleashing an impressive, Tom-Hanks-A-League-of-Their-Own-inspired Number One.

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So, when I answered, I said, "Hey, I'm peeing. You have to hold on a second."

Well, imagine her indignation.  She was over-dramatically grossed out (shocker) over what is a basic and necessary biological function.  The fact that I answered her call while I was doing my business is precisely what led to this story.

Do YOU answer or talk on the phone while you're using the restroom?  I was curious to know how many people do this. Actually, my mission is a touch more layered than that. I am curious how many people own the fact that they do it compared to the number of people who actually do it but try to mask the fact that they're doing it.

I asked Eyewitness News Meteorologist Ron Rhodes to chime in.  Here's what he had to say.

Unlike Ron, Jonathan Constant completely owned it. He answers the phone loud and proud from his "oval" office.  LOL!

I stumbled across this video on YouTube. A few years ago, the ladies on The Real tackled this topic. However, they were less specific.  Their definition of "use your cellphone while you're in the bathroom" meant using it in any capacity- making a call, scrolling through Facebook, trying to purchase Poo-Pouri in bulk from Amazon.

As you can see, a Newsweek poll revealed that 66% of Americans admit to using their phones, in some capacity, while they're in the restroom.

But how many of us admit to actually having conversations while we're in the restroom?

Curology/Unplash
Curology/Unplash
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Mary Howell, from Richland, Indiana, says she does it!

The website DailyInfoGraphic.com shared the results from a Survey Monkey poll. Nearly 1 in 3 people actually admitted to answering the phone while they're in the bathroom. In fact, a whopping 30% of respondents confessed it and 44% of respondents said they have actually heard a flush while talking to other people.

That random study was performed back in 2017. BankMyCell.com just released findings of a more recent survey.  And, I have to be honest, there were a couple of BIZARRE stats from it- one involving men and one involving the female respondents.

Rodion Kutsaev/Unsplash
Rodion Kutsaev/Unsplash
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We'll start with the men. According to the poll, 1 in 10 men confess to having phone conversations with their boss while working from the toilet. I'm sorry. What?  My boss is LaDonne Craig and I absolutely adore her. We're good friends, longtime colleagues and are very close. However, I have never subjected her to a conversation mid-excretion. In fact, I'm mortified at the thought.

But the ladies are evidently even more adventurous than the men. The same survey says that 1 in 3 women owned up to sending a selfie from the bathroom. Excuse me????? Who takes a selfie while they're popping a squat?

Look, Angel got mad at me for what she could hear. There's no way I am sending a snap of something for her to see.

And I'll go one step further. I don't usually, under normal circumstances, answer the phone in the bathroom. I have been in airports and heard people doing while they're blowing up the men's room in Terminal C. I think it's weird and gross. But, Tuesday afternoon was a unique circumstance.  Angel, rather uniquely, returned a call for a change and I had to answer it despite the fact that I was standing before the porcelain god.

 

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