I popped into Price Less Foods Sunday afternoon to pick up some ground beef, a tomato and some dishwasher detergent pods.  Yes, I know that shopping list is a bit random, but not even close to being as random (and disturbing) as what I saw situated on the shelves of the checkout lane.  What in the name of all things holy is this??????


Excuse me?  Does that say "Pooplets: Poop-shaped Candy?"  I'm sorry.  Do I need bifocals?  LASIK?  Cataract surgery?  Are my eyes working?

And while we're at it, what in the H-E-double hockey sticks is this????


Does that really say "Flash Poop?"  Did someone seriously throw a pair of black sunglasses on a turd and create a poop mascot for a children's candy brand?  What just happened?  2020 is off the rails for good.  Let's scrap it.  Let's "Quantum Leap" to 2021.

It's bad enough that there's one brand of candy that is poop-inspired.  But is there seriously enough interest in the candy marketplace to spawn competitor brands?  It's supposed to be Shark Tank not Toilet Tank!  The word is entrepreneur, not entremanure.

I seriously don't know who thought this was a good idea.  I don't find anything about this appealing.  I mentioned this to Angel and showed her these photos and she said, "Oh yeah!  My kids saw this and wanted me to buy them some."  I'm sorry.  What?  Come again?

Now, I have absolutely ZERO idea what this candy is supposed to taste like.  And there's literally no chance in Hadestown that I am going to try one to find out.  To me, that is just (as my friend Robert from college used to say) "NALSTY!"  Yes.  That's the word "nasty" with an "l" thrown in for dramatic effect and emphasis.  Say it with me, People.  NALSTY!!!

Oh, and sidebar.  I looked these two brands up on YouTube to see if there was a commercial for one or both.  You want to feel really weird about yourself and question what's become of your existence?  Type the words "poop" and "candy" onto your favorite search engine on your work computer.  That certainly won't flag your I.T. Department.

Look.  When I was a kid, I thought we pushed the boundaries with Garbage Pail Kids.  They were gross, but the cards had nothing to do with the chalky stick of gum that you consumed.  This, on the other hand, is poop-shaped candy you're supposed to put into your mouth and digest.  And I am guessing it's chocolate?  I. AM. GOING. TO. BARF.

Somebody help me with this.  Please!