6 Reasons To Hate Snow As An Adult
We all like the idea of snow, but not the actual snow itself. It's pretty to look at and can also give one a sense of calm. However, there are plenty of reasons to hate snow as an adult too.
1) It's too bright
Yes, that's a real reason to hate snow. Snow is so white that it reflects any amount of sunlight and amplifies it by about 10,000 (this may be an exaggerated number). Snow can be so bright that there's even a condition called snow blindness. So yeah, no thanks, snow.
2) It takes forever to go anywhere
Commuting to work or even trying to get to the grocery store becomes almost impossible when a region that doesn't know how to handle snow get's any amount of snowfall. Living in the Midwest, we see snow usually at least once every winter but it seems as though our communities still don't know how to deal with it - at all. Thus, going anywhere no matter how near or far (queue Celine Dion), is the biggest hassle. Sometimes it takes hours to get someplace that normally only takes about ten minutes. Stupid snow.
3) Everything freezes
Everything freezes. The walkway freezes, the ground, car doors, mailboxes...everything. When I try to open frozen car doors I pretend that I'm actually trying to break into the car without bringing any suspicion to myself, so that part is kind of fun but everything else about it isn't.
4) You inevitably fall
No matter how hard you try, you inevitably end up falling on the ice. Even if there isn't that much ice, your foot will discover a secret patch to slide on. You'll either slide and do the awkward, 'oh please don't fall' dance and remain standing or more likely, you'll attempt that dance and end up doing the splits before banging your face onto the sidewalk. Personally, I'm too old to be playing slip 'n' slide on the ice.
5) Everyone becomes panicked
For no reason whatsoever, a pending report of a few inches of snowfall suddenly turns into a forecast for the apocalypse. Grocery store shelves are emptied, people spend hours in line attempting to check out, and fights break out over the last loaf of bread. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to do my regular grocery shopping because my kids have been whining that we've been out of Goldfish for 20 hours. It's a nightmare come true.
6) Eating it isn't as fun as it once was
Truthfully, the best part about snow when you were a kid was finding a nice, clean, undisturbed patch of snow to ball up and take a big ole bite from. Now it just isn't the same. After eating snow now you wonder where it's been - like, has my snow floated through a cloud of chemical pollution on its way down from the sky? Did a dog possibly poop only inches away from where I scooped up my snow bite? Everyone knows about not eating yellow snow, but what about the snow from the outdoor patio table that still had old solidified bird droppings underneath it that your dad never washed off from the previous fall? Barf.
All in all, snow kinda blows. No wonder they call them 'snow blowers'. Ha, ha! Okay, I'm done. That joke was terrible, I'm truly sorry. I still kinda hate snow though.