10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Move to Owensboro
I've talked to quite a few folks who've moved to Owensboro from much larger cities and they say they LOVE the slower pace and LOWER crime rate.
And I know that millennials are lovin' 'em some Owensboro.
But what about some reasons people SHOULDN'T move to Owensboro?
1. You HATE the Smell of Delicious Barbecue Wafting Through the Air
When our top barbecue restaurants start slow-cooking AND when it really gets going at the Barbecue Festival, why, there's not much that smells better. But, by all means, STAY AWAY if that simply is NOT your thing.
2. You're Still Concerned About That Iben Browning Earthquake Prediction
December 3rd, 1990 was THE day for the big New Madrid earthquake. That faultline is the one down along the Kentucky/Missouri border. Well...it never happened. So if you feel like this whole area is TOO overdue, you're probably not comin'.
3. You Can't STAND Johnny Depp
If your feelings about Johnny Depp movies extend deeply enough to the point you want absolutely NOTHING to do with him...no matter how remote the connection...well, I guess we'll NOT be seeing you, after all.
4. You HATE Themed Neighborhoods
Hey, Owensboro is loaded with them. It does really beg the question...why DO we have clusters of streets named after countries in the British Isles, poets, and cigarettes?
5. You CANNOT STAND Water
If this is the case, stay as far away from Owensboro as you possibly can. It seems every time we get a decent rain, we also get 30 new lakes.
6. You DESPISE the Idea of Being in Close Proximity to Major Cities
The relative convenience of Nashville, Louisville, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Lexington, Cincinnati...even Memphis, Chicago, and Atlanta has GOT to drive someone like you NUTS!
7. You Want NOTHING TO DO With a Great Summer Party Scene on the River
Friday After Five from May to September is a BLAST! But, hey, if "BLASTS" aren't for you, uh, well, maybe next time.
8. You LOATHE Words that Begin and End with the Same Letter
That would qualify as a bizarre quirk, but, there's "OwensborO," big as life, beginning AND ending with the letter "O." Unless, of course, you're Al Roker...
9. You DESPISE County Names That Aren't Spelled Like They Sound
Sure, we're all used to it. But somebody moving here for the first time? They'll lose their minds after being repeatedly corrected when they say DAYVEEZ instead of Davis. The stay won't last long.
10. It DRIVES YOU CRAZY When Bridges Are Blue
Stop. Go back! Don't come here! The BLUE Glover Cary Bridge is an Owensboro landmark. You should've picked that brief period of time WAY back in the day when it was orange. Yes. It once was ORANGE!!
(Now, that you've read all ten, imagine a proper "tongue-in-cheek" emoticon/emoji placed right...about...here.)